I wanted to send her nasty messages on Facebook. I wanted to send an anonymous letter to her husband. I admit, it might be gratifying in the moment, but I would hate to get into a FB war with anyone. I am far too lazy to go down that road. I know once I do, I’ll spend hours looking for dirt on her. I’ll write pages in scathing detail about how she is a disgrace to women everywhere. I’ll make up fake diseases that I have, and she is now part of the club! Alas, that isn’t my style. My style is to be mature and cause as little drama as possible. She doesn’t need my help in destroying her life. She’ll do a fine job of it herself. Instead I saved my most venomous words for my ex-boyfriend. He was still trying to make things up to me, but I was far from forgiving. Here is the letter that I would have sent, My Little Voyeurs…
Dear Other Woman,
Your actions robbed many people of living a better life. When you sauntered into his room after he had passed out from drinking, you violated him. Now you have a baby that was born from rape. By doing what you did, she will never have a relationship with her biological father. He will never be able to look at her, because all he will see is the vile act that you perpetrated on him.
You have continually tried to force yourself into his life. You have been a predator since he was in his early 20s. Back then when you crawled into his tent, he was a stupid boy who thought he was getting lucky. He did not think about the consequences that you were a married woman with children. That is a flaw in his character. He was stupid. You were always the aggressor, and you were the one that should have held your vows more sacred. Then you forced yourself on him again when he and I were broken up. I really cannot fault him for that since we were apart, but I was seriously disappointed that he would have sex with someone when we had only been apart for three weeks. Once again, you were cheating on your husband at the merest sign of attention from someone. How you continued to cheat on your husband with him throughout the years is deplorable. If you were unhappy at home, you fix it or you get out. If you wanted to be with someone else, go about it like an adult.
The day that he crossed the line was when he cheated on me last year when we were still together. The common denominator here has always been you, him, and alcohol. He is someone who has poor boundaries, and when you throw in a predator (yes, that is still you), something was bound to happen. Jeremy was 100% wrong in that situation. He should never have strayed. He never should have had enough alcohol to put him in a compromised situation. Don’t think he is getting off easy. His punishment is that he has a child that he never wanted with a woman he will never love. He lost the only person that he has ever truly loved and wanted for him to become a better person.
If the story had just ended there, if he had cheated on me and I discovered it, I would have been angry with both of you, but I would never have written you this letter. It would have been his cross to bear. He would have only himself to blame. When you crawled into bed with someone that was too drunk to know what was happening, you crossed the line. That is where the fault shifted from him to you. Even if you had had consensual sex the week before, there is no excuse for going into someone’s room after hours and having unprotected sex. You are a vampire sucking people dry. If you had any self-respect before this, I cannot imagine that you have much left now. You make me ashamed to be a woman. You disrespected your husband, you disrespected my boyfriend, and you disrespected a woman that never did anything to you. You are a homewrecker. Other women will never fully trust you, and I cannot imagine you have much trust for yourself.
To further show your true nature, you are now you are passing this child off on your husband. He has every right to decide whether he wants to be involved in this child’s life or not. When my boyfriend was shocked and abhorred to find out he had a child and how it happened, he immediately said he wanted nothing to do with you. No matter how many times you whispered to others behind his back that it was his, no matter how many times you pushed that baby in his face, why would he believe you?
I have no intention of getting revenge, but I will be your silent nightmare. I will accept nothing less than honesty from him. I have told him that there is no way we will get back together if the two of you are still harboring this sick secret. He will have to get a paternity test done, which by the way if it is his, your husband will eventually find out.The best outcome for everyone is that he signs away his parental rights, and your husband adopts the baby. I realize that your husband may leave you when he finds out, and that will leave my ex-boyfriend saddled with child support from your sick deed. So be it. If that is the way the cards fall, that will be his penance for the previous drinking and infidelity. Though he may pay child support, he will never want anything to do with either of you because she will always be a reminder of the pain you put him through. And if your husband stays with you and adopts her, and you choose to never tell her who her real father is, that is your business. At that point, she is no longer his responsibility. The problem is, I know how the world works. She will find out. You made a point to tell several people with very big mouths that she was not your husbands before there was even a DNA test. I also imagine you could get in a fight at any time with your husband and try to hurt him by telling him the baby is not his. I would much rather he be honest and not leave his fate to you.
The only thing I can truly thank you for is you are the reason he hit rock bottom. Without you, he would have never decided to get 100% sober and go to therapy. Now he is paying the price for letting his addictions get the best of him and letting you into his life all those years ago.
My greatest hope for you is that you learn to love yourself and stop trying to seek attention and comfort with men. I am sure he was not the only person with whom you strayed in your marriage. No matter how much this has devastated my life, I would rather be me than you. At least I can look at myself in the mirror that I never went outside of my relationship for affection, and I never betrayed another woman. Did you secretly hope that he would walk away from me and rescue you from your life? Did you think getting pregnant with his child would lure him into wanting a life with you? That he’d set up house and play family with you? I’m sure you tell yourself that you didn’t meant to hurt anyone, but you did. You hurt a lot of people. Was it worth it? Was the drunken sex good? Was the shame that he feels for getting his step-sister pregnant worth it? I doubt it. No one does something like this unless they feel that they are not worth the love and attention that they deserve. Instead you waited for scraps, and that is what you got.
Someone Who Loves Herself